Everyone comes up against difficult people, demanding situations, and disappointing circumstances in every area of life; work, marriage, and friendship. We can’t avoid it. But we can learn some few basic skills that can make working with them less stressful.
Dealing with difficult people takes some understanding on our part and a willingness to assume some risk as well.
It takes time to train difficult people that their difficult behavior may work with everyone else, but not with you. However, with a few basic strategies and easy-to –use principles, your effort will be rewarded with better relationships, a reputation that says you are not easily aroused.
Keep in mind the following points:
The idea in dealing with difficult people is to first look at your role in the situation and then to try the following strategies:
1) When discussing problems with difficult people, keep it short and direct. It minimizes a stressful situation for both of you. Don’t argue with them as it’s a waste of time. When you do speak, be sure your tone is non-emotional and non-confrontational.
2) Generally speaking, it is good to practice starting conversations that create goodwill. Ask people about the things they like – family, hobbies, TV programs and work in general. This is a very good idea to disarm them, get them talking and make them feel more comfortable.
If you are dealing with silent people who ignore you and seek safety by refusing to respond, then there should be another response. Silent people get away with not talking because most people are uncomfortable with silence. Get them to talk by asking open-ended questions that can’t be answered with just a yes or no, then wait at least one full minute and don’t try to fill the space with words to ease your own discomfort.
3) “Oftentimes, indirect language works because it focuses on the work rather than the person. Instead of saying, ‘You need to get it to me,’ you can say, “Reports must be prepared” That way, people are less likely to feel that they are under attack.
4) Learn to admit when you’re wrong. Make apologies to all you have harmed. It can be as simple as saying “I’m sorry for what I’ve done”, “I made a mistake”, or “I could be wrong”. The more you do this, the easier it becomes.
5) Confront problems professionally and with confidence. As a matter of fact, when you get into a tough point, don’t raise your voice, as dealing with difficult people in a calm and permissive way will most likely keep the emotional level and force the person to listen to you.
6) Keep in mind that “how you communicate with others has much to do with how people respond to you”. Difficult people are difficult because their desires are being met through their difficult behavior. Difficult people are often fully aware they are being difficult. They continue because there is a reward in the end result.
You have to analyze what you have been doing in the past that rewards or encourage the difficult person’s behavior. Then, stop rewarding them.
7) Knowledge is power and it’s to our advantage to develop and practice effective conflict management practices that facilitate discussion. Read related books, attend workshops, listen to tapes or CDs. Learn how to establish an immediate rapport through a smile or eye contact. Develop as many skills as you can. This way you gain credibility, and your efforts will soften those opposing you. Effective communication is critical.
8) Build your self-confidence. Self-confident people are not as concerned with what other people think about them. They will not instinctively let the difficult person have their way in hopes of being liked. Additionally, people with high self-esteem are less likely to respond to the difficult person by being a difficult person.
If the difficult person tries to verbally bully you, just say, “I don’t allow people to treat me this way.” Then slowly and calmly walk away. So be confident and look your bully in the eye. Don’t forget to breathe (most people tend to forget to breathe when under stress). Speak in a calm and clear voice while asserting yourself by naming the behavior you don’t like and state what is expected instead.
Sometimes you may find yourself forced to take unpredictable actions to get their attention: drop a book, stand up, firmly call them by name, and get them to sit down. Be ready for friendly overtures as soon as they view you as worthy of respect.
9) If you can’t see the problem from the difficult person’s point of view, ask them. While this may not work with some, it’s usually a good idea in the case of closer relationships. The trick is, in arguments, you need to have patience with the other person, and self-restraint with yourself.
Some difficult people are experts at taking potshots and making sneak attacks in subtle indirect ways. Respond to those snipers with a question like “Are you’re making fun of me?” Although a sniper usually replies to such question with denial, but it will reduce the chance for similar attacks in the future.
10) Remain open to other people’s opinions, viewpoints, and ideas. Share yours, as well. Find something to appreciate and comment on in a clever way. Too often, we focus on what people are doing wrong. Try to catch them doing something right and comment on it. It makes people feel less under attack.
Dealing with difficult people takes persistence and practice, so don’t get discouraged. Although these strategies won’t change the difficult people, they will break their ability to interfere with your daily activities. “Most important, you’ll feel more confident and you’ll start to enjoy your life.”
“He who is generous will be blessed, For he gives some of his food to the poor.” — Proverbs 22:9
Ingredients
Directions
Take your cut up chicken pieces and skin them if you prefer. Put the flour in a large plastic bag (let the amount of chicken you are cooking dictate the amount of flour you use). Season the flour with paprika, salt and pepper to taste (paprika helps to brown the chicken).
Dip chicken pieces in buttermilk then, a few at a time, put them in the bag with the flour, seal the bag and shake to coat well. Place the coated chicken on a cookie sheet or tray, and cover with a clean dish towel or waxed paper. LET SIT UNTIL THE FLOUR IS OF A PASTE-LIKE CONSISTENCY. THIS IS CRUCIAL!
Fill a large skillet (cast iron is best) about 1/3 to 1/2 full with vegetable oil. Heat until VERY hot. Put in as many chicken pieces as the skillet can hold. Brown the chicken in HOT oil on both sides. When browned, reduce heat and cover skillet; let cook for 30 minutes (the chicken will be cooked through but not crispy). Remove cover, raise heat again and continue to fry until crispy.
Drain the fried chicken on paper towels. Depending on how much chicken you have, you may have to fry in a few shifts. Keep the finished chicken in a slightly warm oven while preparing the rest.
“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” — Isaiah 9:6
Ingredients
Directions
In a bowl, combine the mix, cornmeal, sugar and salt. Beat egg and milk; stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Pour into a greased 8-in. square baking pan. Bake at 400 degrees F for 20-22 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean (corn bread will not brown. Cool for 10 minutes on a wire rack before cutting.
“It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.” — Psalm 127:2
Thinking good everyday…the Deanna Michaux Way
How much time you really spent working and getting the results you want at work? Take a wild guess. You might be surprised to know that nearly 30 to 40% of your total time is wasted or non-productive.
Why is this so? Some of the reasons appear to be valid like distractions or time waster activities and some are merely self-made. The worst part of all, you may not be even aware of it. Have you ever been in a situation that you felt you did a lot of things, yet nothing has been accomplished?
Do not worry, because you are not alone! Most of us (if not all) are guilty of wasting time in our workplace. The good news is that, there is a solution to this problem.
Here are some proven ways on how to improve your productivity in anything you’ll do:
1. Make a list of the things to be done
Relying your memory on the items for execution at work is not really that effective. Unless if you are gifted with a photographic memory that can record and remember all the slightest details of the job to be done. It happens to me so many times (or perhaps to you as well) and you know what happened? A slight destruction like somebody talks to you about something can already mess up the workings of your memory. As a results, things that are planned are not done, instead the items that re not supposed to be done on that day…you guessed it right…they are done! Some may argue that, is it not still productive since something were still done? Well, maybe if your Boss is also in the same situation as you are.
2. Prioritize your list
It is important to organize your list in the order of priority to be productive. This will help you in ensuring the important tasks are taken cared of first. The most important task of the day should be at the top and the not-so-important task at the bottom of the list. You can apply the same principle on your activities outside of your workplace.
3. Stick to your list
It is perfectly normal to be destructed at times. However, once the activity list is done, stick with it. Make a commitment to yourself to follow your list. At the end of the day you will be amazed how much you’ve accomplished. It is worthwhile to note that the activities in your list should have a realistic chance of being completed within the day.
4. Do not fall on the trap
An activity list should be constructed in a way that you’ll have an accomplishment at the end of the day. Not to punish you due to a lot of it left undone and will be carried over the following day. Therefore, do not overload your list, or else you will into a trap of having a list with piles of un-attended activity. The list should keep your momentum for the following day, thus, leave some room for you to enjoy the feeling having an accomplishments.
5. Reward yourself
When it is time to knock-off from work, give yourself a treat as a reward of a successful day. You need some form of self consciousness to acknowledge that you did a good job. Do not wait for somebody to appreciate what you have done to feel better. Instead, reward yourself in a simple to build up the conscious feeling that you are doing the right thing.
Productivity consciousness is a good habit to cultivate. Indeed, nothing beats the feeling of satisfaction by knowing that the mission was accomplished. However, it takes discipline and commitment to be productive at all times, especially at the workplace. The key thing to note is that productivity, is not an option, but should be a way of life when we do things.
“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;
my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.
He is my shield, the power that saves me,
and my place of safety.”
— Psalm 18:2
Green tea has been used as a medicine for thousands of years, originating in China but widely used throughout Asia this beverage has a multitude of uses from lowering blood pressure to preventing cancer. The reason that green tea has more health benefits attached to it than black tea is (apparently) due to the processing. Black tea is processed in a way that allows for fermentation whereas green tea’s processing avoids the fermentation process. As a result, green tea retains maximum amount of antioxidants and poly-phenols the substances that give green tea its many benefits.
Here’s a list of some of its amazing benefits — benefits that you may not have been aware of. Some of these benefits are still being debated, so please do your own research if you want to use green tea for medicinal purposes.
Weight Loss. Green tea increases the metabolism. The polyphenol found in green tea works to intensify levels of fat oxidation and the rate at which your body turns food into calories.
Diabetes. Green tea apparently helps regulate glucose levels slowing the rise of blood sugar after eating. This can prevent high insulin spikes and resulting fat storage.
Heart Disease. Scientists think, green tea works on the lining of blood vessels, helping keep them stay relaxed and better able to withstand changes in blood pressure. It may also protect against the formation of clots, which are the primary cause of heart attacks.
Esophageal Cancer. It can reduce the risk of esophageal cancer, but it is also widely thought to kill cancer cells in general without damaging the healthy tissue around them.
Cholesterol. Green tea reduces bad cholesterol in the blood and improves the ratio of good cholesterol to bad cholesterol.
Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. It is said to delay the deterioration caused by Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. Studies carried out on mice showed that green tea protected brain cells from dying and restored damaged brain cells.
Tooth Decay. Studies suggests that the chemical antioxidant “catechin” in tea can destroy bacteria and viruses that cause throat infections, dental caries and other dental conditions
Blood Pressure. Regular consumption of green tea is thought to reduce the risk of high blood pressure.
Depression. Theanine is an amino acid naturally found in tea leaves. It is this substance that is thought to provide a relaxing and tranquilizing effect and be a great benefit to tea drinkers.
Anti-viral and Anti-bacterial. Tea catechins are strong antibacterial and antiviral agents which make them effective for treating everything from influenza to cancer. In some studies green tea has been shown to inhibit the spread of many diseases.
Skincare. Green tea can apparently also help with wrinkles and the signs of aging, This is because of their antioxidant and anti-inflammatory activities. Both animal and human studies have demonstrated that green tea applied topically can reduce sun damage.
“See, God has come to save me.
I will trust in him and not be afraid.
The Lord God is my strength and my song;
he has given me victory.”
— Isaiah 12:2